Let’s talk about ANGER
The world is a very confusing place to live in and people are losing hope or bursting with anger. Everyone longs for a sense of normality, but there is no ordinariness like we use to know.
The anger that is boiling over on so many levels is a normal response to some situations because there are so many things going wrong. Some people lose their jobs or contracts without fair compensation. Others have jobs but they don’t get the salaries that they rightfully earned. Health problems are rife and while some focus on the COVID challenges people with HIV, TB, cancer and other ailment don’t get the treatment they need. These threats are made worse by the news about war and international conflict and local corruption.
These events and problems are not the ‘normal’ things that can grind your gears, but anger is a normal human emotion. However, normal is not good when we start lashing out, slamming doors, or using impulsivity to drive it away.
Half of your battle to conquer anger is starting to notice that you are getting angry. You know when you are moving into a negative headspace because your anger cycle starts long before you lash out.
Pay attention to your body when the anger is creeping closer. Your heart beats fast, you start sweating, you breath shallower and shallower. You can’t think clearly because there is not enough oxygen in your body. This reaction is so profound that the emotional outburst you allow today can cause a headache days later.
Taking a deep breath and then concentrating on breathing deeply actually makes a difference. This small change can stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system and can help us calm down. If you are already raging in anger another tip to help you calm down is to make another physiological change such as to hold ice cubes in your hands. This will help at that moment when you must calm down.
You can’t drive your car in first gear all the time without causing severe damage. You can not be angry to the point of rage all the time either. The intensity of what you are feeling is not good for you or your relationships.
If you're angry about something specific and don't have to respond quickly, getting a different perspective through a trustworthy, rational friend is useful. However, if you are noticing that you display patterns of unprocessed anger that bubbles up all the time, you need help. These patterns include:
- Denigrating other people and yourself
- Increase sarcasm and verbal abuse
- Diverted physical abuse, like hitting the table or smashing cups
- “Forgetting” responsibilities
- Passive-aggressive behaviour
The goal is not to get hide or suppress anger, but to find a way to express it appropriately. “If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day” (Ephesians 4:26).
Although you can’t avoid troubled times, you can learn to respond in faith and see God bring deliverance and provision. The Psalmist said, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (Psalm 119:105 NIV).
You can deal with the immediate emotional reaction and if you know the anger you feel has deeper roots and established patterns, we can help you. There is always help and hope. We can help you to deal with the anger and the crippling fear. The is always hope and help if you reach out.
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